Tough

Being tough is the word that i always remind myself..
I never forget,never put it behind my mind..

So many things to stress,so many things that i dont understand..
im hiding myself aside,forcing myself to understand..
Pass mean passed..i have to understand the different..
i just not the lucky one to have it...
I hate the feeling that stay alone,especially mid night,the late night..but i always have to..
until i force myself use to it..
from i was young,the feeling never go away..till now...

The more i want,the more i lost...
i wanna be the best,but the worst i turn at the end...
I got no right to having the best,
I got no qualifly to request more.
Even how regreat i am,
fact will never change...

Jealous others having the one i wish i could have,
but yet,it belong to me once..
i never fulfil...
I never appreciate everythings,
when i realise, and it seem like.......not the time yet..
The more i want to know,the more i regreat to know,
the more i curious,the more i hate myself.
the more i found out,the more i hurt..
I hate all those feelings...
Is that time can help me fade away?
And i think,this is the karma...
I believe god had gave me many chances...
im just the stupid idiot dint realise and hold it..

Im getting the phobia...
i scare of everything...
I keep my step,dont dare to step out,
the more i try,the more i fail..
i scare of the pain when fall down,
Cause i dont want to do the same mistake that i had repeated many times...again...

Every songs,every words,every lyrics,every movie,every single things,
no matter how big deal or how small potato...
Everytime im alone,everytime when my mind start thinking...
it also have an excuse let me cry lately..
I stop my tears when its running out from my eyes now...
enough crying for myself,
no one will pity me and forgive me...
even i really is the poor thing....I Think...
I have to accept these,i deserve these...
The Karma..
Cause i really do disappointed everyone...

I already control myself to the limit,
i starting out of my mind,
being crazy,thinking negative..
Im going mad!!!
Im feeling i cant take it anymore!!!!!!

I have to calm down myself!
have to stand strong!!
have to make myself awake!!!
have to stop dreaming!!!!
I have to tell myself,
Its time to learn...!

Learn think twice before action;
Learn not to be stuborn;
Learn how to be positive;
Learn how to give other than take;
Learn do things for people request,not request to people;
Learn to listen others;
Learn how is love,what is love...

Its hard,really hard...
i will try...no matter how scare i am...
stop being weak...
BEING TOUGH
I believe it will eventually bring me happiness...
I want my smile back.

Wish me...
i hope i still is your love,

Pat.Penguin

巧合

最近看的电视剧都与我的情景很相似。。
一套是说 ：一对青梅竹马，大家从小相识，长大后大家都喜欢对方。
但因为一些误会，一些错过，到最后那个女的和别的男孩在一起。。。
留下另一个独自伤悲。。。

另一套是 ：七年前一个女孩离开了相爱的男孩。
七年后，女的回到男孩身边。。
可惜那个男的选择另一个女孩。。。不是男孩不再爱女孩。。。
是因为在男孩需要人陪伴，安慰的时候，在他身边不是女孩，是另一个女的。。。

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！ 这是上天给我的暗示吗？？
我的眼泪，又不知不觉流到了脸颊。。。

laught after cried ; cried after laught

i cant asleep every night lately...
every single tiny thing can make me cry like a baby..
now i know i really can cry...
sometimes,i do really hope i just a no body..
no beauty,no fame...no nothing...
dont even realiase when i walk passed by you...
live like an innocent child..
maybe that can easy fulfill,get happiness easly...
i really tired..helpless...i feel like giving up..
give up everything...give up myself...

乱

所有的误解，误会，错过。。

让我在每个夜里自责，折滕。。。

所有的问题一起来，对我真的是个考验。

尽了煎熬。。

彷惘，无助，无奈，迷失。。一直在我身边，寸步不离。。。

我没法表达，不知所措。。

每一首歌，每一个字，每一段玄律，每一张像片，每一件事。。。

都有让我哭泣的理由。。

很想放弃，但没那样的勇气。

不知我还能捱多久。。。

希望上天能够给个机会我。。。

沉淀

我将一切埋藏在心里，把情绪沉淀在心底。。
我不懂能撑多久，希望能一天就多一天。。
我还是在挣扎，很矛屯。。。到底我要的是什么？？
我能做的就是埋头工作，麻痹自己。为我的前途与钱途打拼。
希望一天一天的过去，答案会出现。。而且是对的答案。。。
那天的逼婚，我真得很想告诉他，你不是我要的。。
但我尝过伤心，被伤的痛。也伤过人，所以我始终没说出口。
毕尽他也待我不错。。。
我知道，时间的过，一定会起变化。
因为我们开错了头，一开始就闹到那么不愉快。。。
我明白我自己，只是不明白命运。。。
除了后悔和责怪。。就没别的。。。
我的另一个他现在似乎很开心。。我明白他，
一旦他决定了，我就没了。。
因为我清楚记得当初的我们。。。
我真得很妒忌他的她！！！
现在只希望一切能改变！
是，我很坏！但我发觉，发现的太慢! 知错能改不是好事吗！
我只是要他知道，
无论怎样，你依然是我心中的第一！
就算上天要继续玩弄我！！！

选择

做任何决定都一定是错的，

如果你选择了一个，

就会后悔当初没选择另外一个。

缘份在选择我们，

答案在命运那边，

等命运选择我们。

一切只有等待。。。

当有能力选时，已经不再让你选。。。

唯有继续等待，希望能够等到命运的改变。。。

但往往事与愿违。。。

你的选择没有错，

我欠你的太多。。。

错过 错爱

一段过去的感情，我明白是不能回头。。因为错的是我。。。

但是为了不要再犯同样的错，我改了。。

但，让我觉得我错爱了。。

我明白感情是不能作比较，但我总忍不住那样做。。。

我后悔，为什么当初不紧紧抓牢那段感情！

时间不能倒流，只希望有一天能够起变化。。。

我知道不能霸道，不能那么自私，

但，希望得到自己想要的，难道有错吗？

没有失去过，不懂得珍惜；

没尝过苦头，不知道什么是最好。。。

Sun rise and Sun set

Each day passed by,I'm still the same. Get throught all those shit. My day went into dark,its just like the end of the world..
When I feel so down but yet I saw my sun shine..
I felt down in every thing,that is so many issue waiting me front there.
I'm so fear to face those shit,but yet I still have to over come it..
I knew some thing that I suspect when I still a lil innocent girl.
But its the fact.I got no choice in my life,I can't change but I can control my fate.
Everyone have their own problem,its just depents how you think and solve it even over come from it,be good and think positive way,it will eventually bring you luck or better life.
Learn smile after cry,learn stand up after felt down,
Learn win after lose,learn ask how to get but yet why cannot get..
I believe,sun rise will come after sun set,even life is hard,still have to move on.CHeers!

Love,
Pat

`hoMe swEet hOme~

Now only i enjoy the time sitting at home and do whatever i like...

been busy for quite some time exspecially last week..

my life is still the same...

work pageant worr pageant..

but i learn a lot thing recently...

from pageant i get what is real friends..

we dint fight with each others,

but we fight in a team!

we only fight with ourselve..

we wanna improve and we want each others improve as well..

glad to having these girl as friends^^

and i learn my new talent as well !!

M.J + Kat ~~

I lost my sunshine

ok,i tot i had enuff trouble..

but it never end...

i lost two phone in a week..

the 3rd phone i just bought few days ago,

drop into the toilet last night...

omg...

im tired....i want rest...

SpeechleSs...

Dear all my darlingzzz...

i lost my phone again.....

please do send me your contact to my face book inbox...

i was lost my phone during the show time...

happen so many fuckup thing and now my belove phone lost!

i'm damn moody and dont know what to do now!!

my mind is blank!

my phone always leave me when i in the bad time...

why huh??

speechless..really spechless...

Meditating

Come back from home town,

just keep thinking all those bull shit they talking about..

from Kedah all the way to K.L,

they can non stop talking about the same shit along the highway...

i really cant take it and put on my MP3...

listen the music and meditate...

A person who grow them up,give them the best even so poor.

and the person become dust now,

they can say like that...

it rediculous...

Dont worry...we dont need their help..

we can afford to take care your beloved...

give her the best...

we can give the thing that those sons cant give...

we know what you want and what you thinking...

R.I.P

We will always miss and love you...

Malacca Trip

I had a pretty wonderful weekend last week even that is really tired^^

Malacca trip!

that is a Miss Campus Chinese Malaysia,Malacca selection.

well..i dont look like chinese...=.=

so i cant take part:(

but i'm one of the judge for the event^^

ok...no comment about the result..

but i had enough fun there^^

very proud of it! its too nice!!

i mean the crap meat ^^v

the lalas....

i know i'm very playful when we're shopping and play..
but i'm a very good judge la!
p/s:thanks for sandy give me a very pretty FULL crown!
and HuaizRen give me the sash as a presents!!
love it love it!! :D



hehe...i know i know...image...lolz...

Love,

pAt.

Once Upon A tiMe...

I type "Patricia Phang" in google...

found some thing really funny long ttime ago..

the miss leisure world 2008 international final held at su zhou china...

and the miss tourism queen malaysia...

haixz...

i joined all the grand grand before...now only join the small small pageant...

http://misscontest.blogspot.com/2008/06/miss-leisure-2008-pageant.html

http://patriciapenguin.blogspot.com/2008/07/miss-leisure-world-2008.html

we are choosing our shoes at new balance when joining the

miss tourism queen malaysia 2008

I'm Still Here

last week is a really hard time to me..

lucky i still survive.

i failed twice and finaly i got it once^^

thanks for evryone who support me...

really appreciate that^^

from this week onwards..

i wanna start a new me...

i got to improve myself for more long way to go...

i can feel,

some thing is waiting me in front^^

Love,

.Pat.

Take . Accept . Keep . Learn . Fight

I had tried my best and did my best..

speechless about that..

never mind.

i will keep it up..

keep smilling...

keep walking^^

Love,

.Pat.

Fight for Yourself

I got present everytime when i unhappy..

like last night..

really hurt last night..

been in this career so long ady...

that is the first time feel so hurt...

harmful destroy....

i mean my confident..

tomorrow is another i need to fight!

i wont let last night spoile my boiler spirit...

it always a competition,fight!

beat or be beaten...

thanks for all the support and care...

and uncle chuan,

and i will pretend like so supprise and touching..

Love,

Pat

Against...

That is the first time happen to me in club..

anyway...thanks for Matthew you guys be there with me^^

really upset...

i'm damn stress this month..too many final..

dont know why lately i will damn stress about my final..

i saw others girls they have parents or mum come to support them

i really jealous about that..

or i wish i have a boy friend like nat and joanna bell's boyfriend..

so support them, care and love them.

they will accompany girlfriend go wherever they go..

be friendly with oganiser,agents and friends..

their girlfriend's final seem like their final...

so sweet..

too many things happen in the sudden..

make me emo again..

last night talk to nic about the rumour at winter bar..

its ady keep holding my tears drops...

but i failed at the end in Autum...

haiz..

it's okay...

LOVE

Pat

Is that the love in my glove?

I was so dunk last night.

i went quattro after my semi final..

and i did some really stupid thing...

some more i heart some one said im a play girl...

HAHA!

before that my agent told me ppl said i'm butterfly..

and now play girl..

well done pat!

speechless...

the mouth is yours...

say whatever you like la!

i will just take that as jealous...a thinking of a loser!

but,i can be bitchy one day...

don't push me to the limit..

Thanks...

L O S T

I seem like back to the crazy clubber as last time.

now even sunday also can club..

Think about it..

What for??

Patricia Phang,

you have to admit that you're lose in this game.

the alcoho does't help anything.

you just look like an idiot when you're doing all those things.

Let go and forget it.

you'll be more happy.

Seriously,

you dont need that,

why wanna hurt yourself?

you're better than many ppl including her.

no need upset..

it's fate.

Wake up wake up !!

Be a better Patricia,

you will get your happiness finally.

no need to say too much..

that's all.

Love.Hugz

Pat