I'm back

I don't know how long that I never log in my blog..

Im suddenly have the feeling to blog tonight..

I been through quite a lot of things for this while..

Same old thing,which is fell down,cry,learn,stand up, and keep walking..

It's better to be alone with yourself for the rest of your life than together with a bad company..

It ain't about how hard you hit, it's about how hard you can get hit...and keep moving forward!

Sometimes thing get in your path, and you have a choice..

You can either smash right into them, or you can adjust and move around..

But you have to do one or the other in order to move forward..

Being great at something is going to change it. Being a part of something special makes you special..

A strong person knows how to keep their life in order. Even with tears in their eyes, they still manage to say " I'm OK " with a smile..

I had a meaningful and heart to heart talk with friends..and I finally feel that I have friends around me.. I feel the happiness.. And I have my lovely aunt and family with me..

It's hard at the beginning of my, but I found something and learn in that..and now I'm starting to learn happily in my life..find it, organise it and hold it appreciate it..

I think I will be the happiness person and truly get my happiness! =)

Friends, I know you all will support me! I will always love you all !!

With love,

Pat

自己

她有點懶，她不擅長做家務。
　　
她獨立，也好強，她寧願忍受太多的寂寞和痛苦也不願意向別人提起。
但其實骨子裡，渴望有一個避風港灣，讓她去依靠。但她不會承認。
她必須確定那個人是否可以承受得了這一切的，承受她的撒嬌，她的無理取鬧，她的倔強，她的悲觀，她所有的性格缺陷且永遠不離不棄。
只有這樣，她才放心，可以放心去繼續做自己，不會害怕有一天將要面對失去。如果沒有，那麼她只好繼續寂寞和孤獨。
她對愛情沒有安全感，也不會給別人安全感。
她一定要對方先流露出對她有好感，她才散發她的熱情。她愛的永遠是對她最好的那個，那個好她心裡是有一個標準的，你的積分超過了那條線，她會愛上你，但大多數人沒超過線之前就離開了，或者超過了之後沒等她看到就離開了。
　　
其實她要的並不多，她要的只是一個溫暖的家。對她來說太重要了，雖然在她們口中說出來的卻是：我不需要愛情。
　　
當你緊張他的異性朋友，她會一面跟你說，他只是我的誰誰誰，卻一面偷偷在意你的感受。 。 。
　　
對她們而言，唯一具備殺傷力的只有感情，感情如果受到挫折，要么毀了她們，要么成就了她們。從此更加漠然，專注於事業。
　　
她分手後完全不會像其他座在人面前要死要活，她嬉笑怒鬧，變得更加開朗。在聽到朋友說有關他的話題時，從不刻意迴避，她適當參與，淡然微笑，她的表現總會遭人懷疑這段感情的深淺，而人群中只有那些知道背後情節的人才看見她背後的眼淚和努力。
　　
　　
　　
她從來不會在情人面前大聲哭泣，除非她真的崩潰了。
　　
即使在你愛著她的時候，她也會胡思亂想讓自己悲傷。
　　
如果你看到她的眼淚，請相信這絕不是她在博取同情，這是她這樣一顆內心驕傲的女子不得己的場景。
　　
她想對你負責，對她負責，對自己的過去和未來負責，但請你不要輕易給她承諾和誓言。她很難相信。
　　
即使她很難相信，但她還是會選擇等待。
　　
她的傷初始濃烈似酒，很快就會變為一杯水，卻讓水滲入生活成為點點滴滴.她選擇在其中淡定，在其中沉默和內傷。
　　
她就是這樣，強勢，霸道，任性。 。 。
　　
不會討人歡心，死要面子，她愛朋友多過你。
　　
她最有保護欲，最沒有秘密。
　　
最暴躁，最善變，最沒耐心，最衝動，最耐不住寂寞卻又喜歡假惺惺的讓自己一個人呆著。
　　
有時候她又充滿陽光的氣息，愛笑愛說話，活蹦亂跳，可愛迷人。 。
　　
她很自私，只願意與人同甘，不願意讓別人跟她共苦。
　　
她的家庭不一定很是富裕，但她都是習慣了養尊處優。
　　
她喜歡熱鬧，總會成為聚會的焦點，前提是她想。
　　
她也享受孤獨，會靜坐在一個人的房間聽著很傷感的音樂。
　　
她也會一整天呆在房間裡心情壓抑低落，但第二天一早起來，又會輕輕鬆鬆的打理一切，慌慌忙忙的拽著大衣拎著包往外衝。
　　
她習慣在人前表現的很堅強，一付大女子主義的模樣。
　　
她會想，遇到真正懂她愛她寵她的人，她就一定就會很安靜，心甘情願的安靜下來，不煩，不鬧，按時吃飯按時睡覺，按時做一切能安心和他一起做的事情。
　　
她從不輕言愛，她的愛很沉默，那並非是因為她缺少那份勇氣，在她的心裡有一道柵欄，那就是自尊。
　　
她看得比生命更尊貴的自尊。
　　
如果有一個這樣的女孩對你說她愛你，那就代表在她的心裡你的分量勝過了她的自尊。
　　
你不了解她，不懂她的好，就別愛她。
她會在真正愛她的人面前卸掉所有的盔甲和偽裝，做個幸福的小女人，她不要求你要做什麼，不會無理取鬧要你陪著她，她有自己的生活，她給你空間因為她也需要空間。
　　
她也會幻想，在遇到真正的他時，會在他累的時候悄悄熬上點營養粥，然後說，看你這麼不辭勞累本姑娘心情又不錯犒勞犒勞你。
　　
她在你面前永遠性感調皮，偶爾撒撒嬌，跟你玩陌生人的遊戲，在你的朋友面前從來大方得體，微笑的依偎在你身邊。
　　
她不讓你給她買這買那，她會說，我啊，是大女人，不喜歡男人給我買單。 。 。但是心裡卻會為你私自買給她的禮物而暗自開心，因為女人覺得那是你的寵愛。
　　
她在意的是你的心，你若真心，她必然實意。最起碼你得表現的真心，能讓她感覺得到。
　　
她會經常冒出些新鮮的想法來調劑生活，她的多變有時會讓你不安。
　　
終有一天，她的敏感在你的呵護下慢慢消失不見，她的倔強被你的保護軟化，她的偽裝在你面前被輕易識穿。 。 。
　　
得到她，別驕傲，因為沒人可以吃定她。
　　
只有懂她的人，才會得到她的好。
　　
她有時是有些遲鈍的，在感情方面，但有時很敏感，因為她在乎。
　　
她有時想，當她遇上生命中的那個人，會愛的多麼濃烈，她渴望那種不計後果的極致，然後在強烈的碰撞中享受那種心痛感。

所以，別愛這樣的女孩，她太偏激，太虛偽，太粗心，又太神經質，太難伺候，太不溫柔。 。 。
　　
如果你沒勇氣，沒能力可以堅持愛她，就別愛她。
　　
因為如果你會離開，她的心將會永遠冰封，再也不會為任何人打開。 。 。 。 。

A W A K E

Day after days,things happen really make me realize,

make me wake up and make me face the fact.

and i'm totally understand now.

Love is not measure by the times,is by the feel and timing..

its my fault that i admited as uaual,

i did what i have to do.

and i know its time to wake up.

there is no happy ending drama now a day.

i not only lost the love even a friendship..

a true friend that the only one who really know me and understand me

more anyone around me.

time pass,things change..

im up set,disappointed,speechless on it.

anyway,its delete from my mind now,

become the memory and put it in the deep deep down of my heart.

the only things i can do is,wish you luck.

hope you found the one,and i will get mine one day.

The story is end.

-The Penguin & Pig-

-The End-

一封给公公的信

公：
不经不觉已经快一年了。。想对你说声，我真的很想念您。。想念以前与你通信，和你通电话。。听你说道理。。
我很乖，已经很久没和父母斗气了。。婆婆有姑姑无微不至的照顾，我也整天和婆婆通电话。。姑姑他们也很疼我。你不用担心。而我虽然很多事情不称心，但我相信我能挨得过去。。我会记住你给我改的名字，冠群－人群中的冠军对吧？
很谢谢你一直对我的支持。。一直因我而自豪。。直到现在你还是我精神的支柱。。谢谢你一直没放弃过我。。你对我的呵护，一切我都会记住。。
你送给我的小黄兔还很健康！很干净！=）现在小黄兔和我的企鹅相处很愉快！
你在天堂过的好吗？呵呵，我好象在问废话！有玩我送给你的麻将吗？我现在学会打麻将了！很遗憾没机会和你打。。来生你再当我公公，我和你打麻将！
其实，我最近真的很不开心。。我没有朋友倾诉，我又不要让姑姑担心。。我只想找个人谈谈。。我相信很快就会雨过天晴吧。。一个人又时常糊思乱想。。不过不用担心，那么多年我都捱过了。。只不过以前有人在身边陪，现在需要一个人撑下去。不过我会努力的！
好了啦，我撒娇完毕，不要你浪费精力，眼力看我罗里罗唆！想念您！

群

雨夜

外头下着倾盆大雨，房里开着冷气，电视在播着电影，
而我一人躲在被单里。。不小心脸颊已有泪水的痕迹。。。
《红豆冰的初恋》让我把我刚疗好的伤口，给挖了出来。。
初恋。。
最近身边有个男生，和在一起六年的女朋友分手了，
用一年时间来追回，都没办法了。。
我问了他一个问题："如果有一天她要求回到你身边，你会怎样？"
"如果我没女朋友，我会考虑，但要是我有了女朋友就免谈！"
那是我得到的答案。。
用了一年来追回，和等了两年。。有分别吗？对我来说，是有的。。
但，我最后明白了。。这可以说近水楼台先得月吗？
我恍然大悟，彷佛明白了。。
外面的雨继续下，但我的眼泪擦干了。我需要把记忆埋藏，把伤口缝合。。
把眼睛闭上，会周公去！那只是一场梦，一场美梦。。
梦醒了，就忘了它吧。。

LISTEN

为什麽如此的安静
为什麽明明想靠近 却还在迟疑
努力的我保持镇定
努力开拓话题
最後却溃不成军
为什麽如此的美丽
深刻的烙在心里 最温柔的酷刑
每一天无法不想你
连闭上眼睛
怎麽都是你
你可不可以爱我
可不可以想我
虽然我对自己没有一点的把握
别害怕我难过
告诉我你真实的感受

爱

有些事情我也说不明白
想和你在一起什么都舍不得分开
或许我软弱也害怕失败
但有你的笑容就能让我再站起来
你曾问我是什么令对你难以忘怀
我也曾经想过这种感觉也说不出来
我现在才明白
因为爱所以爱珍惜在一起的愉快
一分开你就会不在
怀恋也只有空气里的对白

因为爱　所以爱
让我付出我的关怀
不管风出或热晒
我才明白一切都是因为爱……

Penguin aka Patricia

Hiding those emo shit thing very well,
But it come again after so long that I though its over.
I lie to myself but I failed..again..
Know things can forget by time fly,
But never think that is so easy for some people..
And live happily..
I wish that is me that who let go everything and start over a brand new me.
Live happily like no body business..
No need think and stay sweet and happiness with the right person..
Sometime ppl will give a compliment that I stay tough even how my background is..
Even myself also think I'm good and tough enough..
But I was wrong! So wrong...
I though I can hide it and act nothing happen everything are fine..
But always something will remind me!
I so wanna get over it and walk away from these!
I believe I can but just don't know when its the time!
Now I know,I just weak and I'm a loser!

penguinPig

Went genting but the cold wind never help to cue my emo mood,
but remind me of the Apollo's birthday cake..
Control myself don't do thing that make myself sad..
But I failed..
Always go out with kelly now a day,
Look at her and QQ,7 year's love..
Not jealous but up sad.
Can't do anythg,ppl is a happy man now,marry soon..
And me just a stupid don't know hold and appreciate..
Having karma.now I only can see one color,its grey.
No hope no support no true..have nothing.
Sleep when sunrise wake up when almost sunset..
Having nightmare almost everyday but wake up I'm alone..
Only can hug penguin to find a little bit secure..
Living all alone.
I'm the good one,
And you are the happiness one.
I hope I can put down everything and live on..
But I think I can't.

抱歉

原谅我没有说
忘了我们是在什么时候
选择放开彼此的手
忘了我们为了什么理由
才会让你一个人走
为什么总在失去后才懂得
才发现你对我最重要
为什么到后来我才有听说
你最爱的人还是我
我想妥协不想眷恋
我想你在身边
能不能够让我们重来一遍
是否对我还有相同感觉
我不想要再对自己抱怨
也不想再狼狈
能来能够让我们回到从前
到那一天当我们还相恋
你说过要陪我走到永远
还是你在敷衍
忘了我们是在什么时候
选择放开彼此的手
忘了我们为了什么理由
才决定不能再挽留
为什么总在失去后才懂得
才发现你对我最重要
为什么到后来我才有听说
你最爱的人还是我
能不能够让我们重来一遍
是否对我还有相同感觉
我不想要再对自己抱怨
也不想再狼狈
能来能够让我们回到从前
到那一天当我们还相恋
你说过要陪我走到永远
还是你在敷衍
能不能够让我们重来一遍
是否对我还有相同感觉
我不想要再对自己抱怨
也不想再狼狈
能来能够让我们回到从前
到那一天当我们还相恋
你说过要陪我走到永远
但你却说抱歉

SICK

Here we have two types of sickness,
Mentality,physically..
Its too bad that a person get two of it.
But I think mentality sick makes physically sick..

I always tot I can act well that I'm still fine and good,
Pretending the sunshine still here..
When the everyone fall asleep,and I still awake,
I'm starting confuse..
I really hate who I am..and I hate I can't go thru all those shit..

Looking everyone happiness its suffer to me..
Yes,I'm jealous..or maybe I'm just too greedy?
I let it go when its in my hand once..
Blame,jealous,cry,sad can't help anything..
But its just so me..

I'm scare,scare for everything especially myself..
Insecure,makes me fall sick;
Regret ,makes me break down;
People,makes me hold...

Force to fill all the time full,
Being stupidity,
Pretend nothing is wrong,
Just to make myself feel better..

I'm forcing myself,
And finally I fall sick..

TIMES

Day fly and gone..
Realize can't control and everything not wanted..
Jealous and Hate can't help but ruin everything.
Waiting things fade..but seem worst..
Think keep everything is better..
Wake up and move on.
its not too much to want peace and smile.

Smile to the sky =)

Gong gong,I miss you.
I lost and missing after you leave me..

Love,
Pat.

M.E

没那麼简单 就能找到 聊得来的伴
尤其是在 看过了那麼多的背叛
总是不安 只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫
没那麼简单 就能去爱 别的全不看 变得实际
也许好也许坏各一半 不爱孤单 一久也习惯
不用担心谁 也不用被谁管
感觉快乐就忙东忙西 感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话 随便听一听 自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪 一杯红酒配电影
在周末晚上 关上了手机 舒服窝在沙发裡
相爱没有那麼容易 每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪 轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麼容易 才会特别让人著迷
什麼都不懂的年纪 曾经最掏心 所以最开心
曾经 想念最伤心 但却最动心 的记忆

*我曾经答应过你，我会好好的活下去。。。

S T O R Y

If life is a stort book,i think my life is an interesting story book..
full of happiness and sad case..
i know much more ppl that sad than me..
but i really never think my life is full of "challange"...
is that meaningful?
is that i will non stop talking my story to my children or even grandchildren at my late life?
like a talkative old auntie...
then they will say:" stop talking bullshit mak..!"

Sometime,i wonder..
who i am? what i am? how i am??
what will i be? what i should do??
however,i never get my answer..
looking around ppl complaining,
but actually they are staying in happiness...
am i one of them ?
some are really in happiness and showing their lovely sweet thing everywhere everytime..
it make me really hate it...irritating...
but maybe i am one of them one day...
i think i will do the same thing...

So,what i have to do now is just keep it up look for that day...
everytime wake up and tell myself today will be fine...
tell myself the day i want is just at the corner..

Thanks for those who love me,
thanks for those who don't...
you raise me up,
make me know i have to wake up from fell...
make me know i have to love myself more...
Im doing that...
for those who don't,i will let you regret one day...
cause im being tough,and being evil...

Loves,
Pat.

what & why

Life is that just same as drama?
My life is getting dramatic..
Some thing happen makes me can't believe on that..
How could it happen on me?
I hope that's just a joke!
I can't get a way to express myself..
I lost a best friend that willing beside me when I down last time..
And now seem like he ditch me for someone..
I don't know how to tell cause it sound redicurous..
An operation that only got 39% living chance...
God really love to play on me..
Love to testing me...
I really lost..helpless..
I lost too many things..too many important treasure things..
I can't express myself or describe my mood by words..
Beside cry,what else I can do..

Tried

I bring the fighter spirit last night.
i been steady and sportman...
i knew i did it best,i knew i tried my best.
i bring out my confidence,hold my sick,
block my fears..
Its all out of my expect..
i cant believe i can work it out like that even i been suck lately..
even my mood totaly out..
even maybe out of support by others..
i really love myself last night!
i go all the way alone..
all the way by myself...over come everythings..
and just fight for myself..

But god seem like still testing me...
still playing fool around me...
the luck never come to me..

Raining heavy out there is just like my heart..
when will my luck come..
i ady been thru all those shit..
why dont just give me some thing to make me happy and feel little of sweet...

I never give up even i was thinking to giving up..
for now i do really feel insecure and sad..
i tot i pay all heart and will get good return..
i never expect the best,but atlease give me better..

From morning till on the way to ipoh i just keep reminding myself to calm down and relax..
even untill the moment i stand on stage and look at the judge..
i really fight...and for me i think i not the best but i better...
is that i really dont deserve anything better??
others just do nothing and performance not well also and get it..
and me??

Never mind,i did my best..
and i got faith to myself..
i believe i will get best thing after all these!!
keep it up !

Loves,
Pat

SICK

Everything been so sick..
mentality sick,
heart sick,
myself sick too...

Actually being alone facing all the shit things is really suffer.
i trying my best to over come everything..
smoothing all the things..
recovering my heart..

I'm starting use to be like this..
be lonely at night,taking care myself,living alone day by days...
friends is thg i cannot lost now..
thx for those who beside me,comfort me..

I decided to make up myself,be strong again.
pay all my heart and effort to myself,my life , my career!
i cannot be like this anymore..cz no one will pity me..
i have to be more shine,more tough! hit the goal i want!
all the shit things cant beat me down!!
i will stand up and keep walking from fall.
i know its hard,but i will try!

Even i know things i dont want to know,fact that i dont want accept,
memories that i dont want forget,pain that cant heal,
mistake that cannot recorrect,person that cannot come back,
times that cannot return,things that never change,
happen that i cant understand,karma that i have to take..
life no u-turn..time is running out,thing happen mean happen,
sun is still rise and set...

Once upon a time,im a happy girl too...
I want my confident back,
want my smile back,
want to know who is the right one..
i want happiness,
i want normal life.
if i can choose,i want to be normal.
normal look,no fame,no nothg..
be a normal happy girl..
life is smooth..
everything is fine...

even now i still emo-ing,cant stop myself smooking..still down...
but, wish me luck! i'm trying...

loves,
Pat.

HAHAHAHAA!!

I think im going insane!
will you laugh suddenly with no reason?
will you laugh when actually you wanna cry??
will you laugh when you alone??
will you laugh non stop like this???

hahahahahahaaa!!!!!!!

will you dont give a fucking care when you actually fucking sick??
will you just leave yourself when you ashma??
will you stay home alone and repeat wathcing the fucking same movie???

you want me dont reject if someone really love me there??
you said you wont hurt me when actually you hurt me...
the one love me out there from willing change everything for me...
till give me up...
i just dont want being just like this...its cheat him and cheat myself...
i tried also...but now he just think that im immature,childish,played him,cheated him...
and im just a bitch !!!!!!

I lost my confident,im lost when i standing on stage..
i want fight for the chance but i stand back at the end...
speechless,helpless,hopeless,mind blank,soul-less,lost..
is that what i am now??

I sad,i down,i emo before...
i just non stop party,non stop drinking...
if that is a quite serious issue,i will just keep that life stlye continue few days..
after that i will become happy again...
now,i go out, sitting aside,not really drink...
even not feel like going out...
rather stay home alone...
let my angel and devil fight there...

Is that my fault that i want one last fight?
is that my fault that i dont want regret the rest of my life?
i really lost...i aim-less...dont know what should i do...
sit like an idiot...

Ya..i know i should't like this...
i have to make up myself...
have to be mature...

but can somebody tell me,if you are me,
what will you do ??
what is mature? what is immature??

It karma!!
its that i really deserve it??!

yayaya...open up my heart...
rest,dont think so much...
forget abt it...

hahahahaaa!!! can you do it??
or maybe i really weak, a loser...
I CANT TAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

学会沉默　　
有时候，你被人误解，你不想争辩，所以选择沈默。本来就不是所有的人都得了解你，因此你认为不必对全世界喊话。却也有时候，你被最爱的人误解，你难过到不想争辩，也只有选择沈默。全世界都可以不懂你，但他应该懂，若他竟然不能懂，还有什么话可说?那么，不想说话，就不说吧，在多说无益的时候，也许沈默就是最好的解释。　　
至少平静　　在你跌入人生谷底的时候，你身旁所有的人都告诉你：要坚强，而且要快乐。坚强是绝对需要的，但是快乐？在这种情形下，恐怕是太为难你了。毕竟，谁能在跌得头破血流的时候还觉得高兴？但是至少可以做 到平静。平静地看待这件事，平静地把其他该处理的事处理好。平静，没有快乐...