SICK

Everything been so sick..
mentality sick,
heart sick,
myself sick too...

Actually being alone facing all the shit things is really suffer.
i trying my best to over come everything..
smoothing all the things..
recovering my heart..

I'm starting use to be like this..
be lonely at night,taking care myself,living alone day by days...
friends is thg i cannot lost now..
thx for those who beside me,comfort me..

I decided to make up myself,be strong again.
pay all my heart and effort to myself,my life , my career!
i cannot be like this anymore..cz no one will pity me..
i have to be more shine,more tough! hit the goal i want!
all the shit things cant beat me down!!
i will stand up and keep walking from fall.
i know its hard,but i will try!

Even i know things i dont want to know,fact that i dont want accept,
memories that i dont want forget,pain that cant heal,
mistake that cannot recorrect,person that cannot come back,
times that cannot return,things that never change,
happen that i cant understand,karma that i have to take..
life no u-turn..time is running out,thing happen mean happen,
sun is still rise and set...

Once upon a time,im a happy girl too...
I want my confident back,
want my smile back,
want to know who is the right one..
i want happiness,
i want normal life.
if i can choose,i want to be normal.
normal look,no fame,no nothg..
be a normal happy girl..
life is smooth..
everything is fine...

even now i still emo-ing,cant stop myself smooking..still down...
but, wish me luck! i'm trying...

loves,
Pat.

HAHAHAHAA!!

I think im going insane!
will you laugh suddenly with no reason?
will you laugh when actually you wanna cry??
will you laugh when you alone??
will you laugh non stop like this???

hahahahahahaaa!!!!!!!

will you dont give a fucking care when you actually fucking sick??
will you just leave yourself when you ashma??
will you stay home alone and repeat wathcing the fucking same movie???

you want me dont reject if someone really love me there??
you said you wont hurt me when actually you hurt me...
the one love me out there from willing change everything for me...
till give me up...
i just dont want being just like this...its cheat him and cheat myself...
i tried also...but now he just think that im immature,childish,played him,cheated him...
and im just a bitch !!!!!!

I lost my confident,im lost when i standing on stage..
i want fight for the chance but i stand back at the end...
speechless,helpless,hopeless,mind blank,soul-less,lost..
is that what i am now??

I sad,i down,i emo before...
i just non stop party,non stop drinking...
if that is a quite serious issue,i will just keep that life stlye continue few days..
after that i will become happy again...
now,i go out, sitting aside,not really drink...
even not feel like going out...
rather stay home alone...
let my angel and devil fight there...

Is that my fault that i want one last fight?
is that my fault that i dont want regret the rest of my life?
i really lost...i aim-less...dont know what should i do...
sit like an idiot...

Ya..i know i should't like this...
i have to make up myself...
have to be mature...

but can somebody tell me,if you are me,
what will you do ??
what is mature? what is immature??

It karma!!
its that i really deserve it??!

yayaya...open up my heart...
rest,dont think so much...
forget abt it...

hahahahaaa!!! can you do it??
or maybe i really weak, a loser...
I CANT TAKE IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

学会沉默　　
有时候，你被人误解，你不想争辩，所以选择沈默。本来就不是所有的人都得了解你，因此你认为不必对全世界喊话。却也有时候，你被最爱的人误解，你难过到不想争辩，也只有选择沈默。全世界都可以不懂你，但他应该懂，若他竟然不能懂，还有什么话可说?那么，不想说话，就不说吧，在多说无益的时候，也许沈默就是最好的解释。　　
至少平静　　在你跌入人生谷底的时候，你身旁所有的人都告诉你：要坚强，而且要快乐。坚强是绝对需要的，但是快乐？在这种情形下，恐怕是太为难你了。毕竟，谁能在跌得头破血流的时候还觉得高兴？但是至少可以做 到平静。平静地看待这件事，平静地把其他该处理的事处理好。平静，没有快乐...

雨过没有天晴

一个难忘的夜晚，难过，难坎，难看。。。
到最后，我被牺牲了。。
他真的是个好男人，但是没想到我是承受的那个。。
我没有输，我只是不要他难做。
其实真正的赢家，是我。。我想。
我只是没有她那么幸运。。
哈哈！！
还有，有些东西不是你要给，我就要拿。
你当他是什么？
有本是就真正交出来！

好戏好戏！！
没关系，我的命比较硬。。。

想

下雨的深夜，真的会令人想很多事情。
这几天是她的生日。。。
想起他以前是怎样为我庆祝生日。。。
猜测他会送什么给她？
她喝醉了，他在她身边照顾她。。
在想现在的他在做什么？?
他们之间的甜蜜，成了我的痛。。。
想起我和他以前，
虽然以前没什么钱，他还是会做很多令人甜滋滋的事。。
把花收在车里给惊喜；
在云顶过生日；
突然把仓鼠送来我家；
十八朵紫色鲜花；
十八支烟；
十八粒巧可力；
还有很多很多。。。
我看到，会想起。。
没见到，时不时也会想起。。
不知他是否和我一样？？
好甜好甜的以前；
好酸好酸的现在。。。
一直在问自己，为什么当初没好好做出行动？？
雨一直下，
泪也一样。。
除了在深夜里痛哭，我真的不知道还能怎样。。。

Tough

Being tough is the word that i always remind myself..
I never forget,never put it behind my mind..

So many things to stress,so many things that i dont understand..
im hiding myself aside,forcing myself to understand..
Pass mean passed..i have to understand the different..
i just not the lucky one to have it...
I hate the feeling that stay alone,especially mid night,the late night..but i always have to..
until i force myself use to it..
from i was young,the feeling never go away..till now...

The more i want,the more i lost...
i wanna be the best,but the worst i turn at the end...
I got no right to having the best,
I got no qualifly to request more.
Even how regreat i am,
fact will never change...

Jealous others having the one i wish i could have,
but yet,it belong to me once..
i never fulfil...
I never appreciate everythings,
when i realise, and it seem like.......not the time yet..
The more i want to know,the more i regreat to know,
the more i curious,the more i hate myself.
the more i found out,the more i hurt..
I hate all those feelings...
Is that time can help me fade away?
And i think,this is the karma...
I believe god had gave me many chances...
im just the stupid idiot dint realise and hold it..

Im getting the phobia...
i scare of everything...
I keep my step,dont dare to step out,
the more i try,the more i fail..
i scare of the pain when fall down,
Cause i dont want to do the same mistake that i had repeated many times...again...

Every songs,every words,every lyrics,every movie,every single things,
no matter how big deal or how small potato...
Everytime im alone,everytime when my mind start thinking...
it also have an excuse let me cry lately..
I stop my tears when its running out from my eyes now...
enough crying for myself,
no one will pity me and forgive me...
even i really is the poor thing....I Think...
I have to accept these,i deserve these...
The Karma..
Cause i really do disappointed everyone...

I already control myself to the limit,
i starting out of my mind,
being crazy,thinking negative..
Im going mad!!!
Im feeling i cant take it anymore!!!!!!

I have to calm down myself!
have to stand strong!!
have to make myself awake!!!
have to stop dreaming!!!!
I have to tell myself,
Its time to learn...!

Learn think twice before action;
Learn not to be stuborn;
Learn how to be positive;
Learn how to give other than take;
Learn do things for people request,not request to people;
Learn to listen others;
Learn how is love,what is love...

Its hard,really hard...
i will try...no matter how scare i am...
stop being weak...
BEING TOUGH
I believe it will eventually bring me happiness...
I want my smile back.

Wish me...
i hope i still is your love,

Pat.Penguin

巧合

最近看的电视剧都与我的情景很相似。。
一套是说 ：一对青梅竹马，大家从小相识，长大后大家都喜欢对方。
但因为一些误会，一些错过，到最后那个女的和别的男孩在一起。。。
留下另一个独自伤悲。。。

另一套是 ：七年前一个女孩离开了相爱的男孩。
七年后，女的回到男孩身边。。
可惜那个男的选择另一个女孩。。。不是男孩不再爱女孩。。。
是因为在男孩需要人陪伴，安慰的时候，在他身边不是女孩，是另一个女的。。。

哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！！！！ 这是上天给我的暗示吗？？
我的眼泪，又不知不觉流到了脸颊。。。

laught after cried ; cried after laught

i cant asleep every night lately...
every single tiny thing can make me cry like a baby..
now i know i really can cry...
sometimes,i do really hope i just a no body..
no beauty,no fame...no nothing...
dont even realiase when i walk passed by you...
live like an innocent child..
maybe that can easy fulfill,get happiness easly...
i really tired..helpless...i feel like giving up..
give up everything...give up myself...

乱

所有的误解，误会，错过。。

让我在每个夜里自责，折滕。。。

所有的问题一起来，对我真的是个考验。

尽了煎熬。。

彷惘，无助，无奈，迷失。。一直在我身边，寸步不离。。。

我没法表达，不知所措。。

每一首歌，每一个字，每一段玄律，每一张像片，每一件事。。。

都有让我哭泣的理由。。

很想放弃，但没那样的勇气。

不知我还能捱多久。。。

希望上天能够给个机会我。。。

沉淀

我将一切埋藏在心里，把情绪沉淀在心底。。
我不懂能撑多久，希望能一天就多一天。。
我还是在挣扎，很矛屯。。。到底我要的是什么？？
我能做的就是埋头工作，麻痹自己。为我的前途与钱途打拼。
希望一天一天的过去，答案会出现。。而且是对的答案。。。
那天的逼婚，我真得很想告诉他，你不是我要的。。
但我尝过伤心，被伤的痛。也伤过人，所以我始终没说出口。
毕尽他也待我不错。。。
我知道，时间的过，一定会起变化。
因为我们开错了头，一开始就闹到那么不愉快。。。
我明白我自己，只是不明白命运。。。
除了后悔和责怪。。就没别的。。。
我的另一个他现在似乎很开心。。我明白他，
一旦他决定了，我就没了。。
因为我清楚记得当初的我们。。。
我真得很妒忌他的她！！！
现在只希望一切能改变！
是，我很坏！但我发觉，发现的太慢! 知错能改不是好事吗！
我只是要他知道，
无论怎样，你依然是我心中的第一！
就算上天要继续玩弄我！！！

选择

做任何决定都一定是错的，

如果你选择了一个，

就会后悔当初没选择另外一个。

缘份在选择我们，

答案在命运那边，

等命运选择我们。

一切只有等待。。。

当有能力选时，已经不再让你选。。。

唯有继续等待，希望能够等到命运的改变。。。

但往往事与愿违。。。

你的选择没有错，

我欠你的太多。。。

错过 错爱

一段过去的感情，我明白是不能回头。。因为错的是我。。。

但是为了不要再犯同样的错，我改了。。

但，让我觉得我错爱了。。

我明白感情是不能作比较，但我总忍不住那样做。。。

我后悔，为什么当初不紧紧抓牢那段感情！

时间不能倒流，只希望有一天能够起变化。。。

我知道不能霸道，不能那么自私，

但，希望得到自己想要的，难道有错吗？

没有失去过，不懂得珍惜；

没尝过苦头，不知道什么是最好。。。